all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
