i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
