i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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