I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
