So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We talked him into tasing himself.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
