Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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