just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
