You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
