I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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