it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
