i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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