i was born a porn star she said
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
