Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
