You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
