I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
