i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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