Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
