So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
