Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
