i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
