I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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