i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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