no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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