I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
