I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
