my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
we should paint friendship bongs
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