the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
is wine microwaveable?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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