if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
