I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
