someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
