It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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