I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he shaved USA in his pubs
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
