Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
