my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
my liver is dry heaving
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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