I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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