I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
