sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Still dying that you shit outside
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
