you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
