My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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