I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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