dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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