What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
