Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
