You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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