I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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