On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
