im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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