We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
