yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
