Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
