I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
