never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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