Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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