What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
