i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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