I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
