My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
