the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
