worst night to have a conscience
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
