She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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