this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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