I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
