Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
