I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
