quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
