Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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