I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
