I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
