Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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