My hand turned me down
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
