I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
