All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she woke up with a sticky ear
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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